Proceed with Caution

This will be a short and sweet post due to the emotional state that I am in right now.

I named this post Proceed with Caution because of what I received a few days ago.

As you have read and keeping up on my life thus far, my real mother died when she was 17 years old. As an adult, I had no idea of knowing of her or what she looked like except a blurred picture a couple of years ago that I received through text after meeting my blood cousin for the first time.

In a previous post, I explained that I received a picture of the man that is suppose to be my father from a nice lady who happened to be my mother's best friend. Well she also has held on to memories of my real mother and other things. 

I received an email from her a few months ago telling me that she would gather some things that she had of my mother and send them to me. I was ready. At least so I thought. There was a delay in her sending the items because her mother had passed and she had to deal with her own personal first, which I completely understood.

Now here we are a few months later and she emails me to ask for my address on a Wednesday. I gave it to her and the blocked it out due to other things going on in my normal not so normal life. But the block was unblocked by her emailing me around 9:15 pm Saturday (3 days later) to ask me if I received the package. I explained that I had been lazy all day and didn't go get the mail, but the reality was, I had blocked it out of my mind. But I got up and went and got the mail.

At the point of the envelope touching my hand, I began to shake, my heart raced, my eyes watered, and my voice was raspy.

As I walked to my room, I thought to myself I just need to calm down and sat at the desk, placed the YELLOW envelope on my computer keyboard, and stared at it while tears ran down my face, and decided I need to PROCEED WITH CAUTION!

I am in the slow lane on this one for some reason or another. I have tears of joy and tears of sadness. Since there is no tears of madness, I feel that I can take it one step at a time to bring myself to go through the Yellow light and stop Cautioning my decision.