Wondering If She Were Still Alive

Things happen in life to make certain thoughts come to surface that were hidden in the back of ones mind.

My thoughts of my birth mother have surfaced because of some life changes Im experiencing.

Knowing what I know now as to the reason she gave me up for adoption, it makes me wonder if she was alive today would I be able to get her shoulder support if nothing more.

I was told she gave me up to make sure I wouldn't experience the sexual abusive life she and her sibling, as well their children, experienced by her stepfather. She had me at a very young teen age and also died at a very young teen age.

I give this information because it is the reason that I now understand why my upbringing was switched from my birth mother's arms before she left this earth to my adopted mother's arms still on this earth.
    When I first found out about being.         adopted, I hated the world. But once I     united with my blood family and             learned why she gave me up for               adoption, my hatred went from
    WORLD to just the STATE I grew
    up in.

Surfaced Thoughts:
1. If she lived to present day, would she try to find me once she grew as a woman?
2. If we were reunited at some point in our lives, would we have a real mother daughter relationship?
3. If I needed her shoulder to cry on, would she rub me on my back and say everything is going to be okay?
4. If she never gave me up for adoption, would we be on top of the WORLD or head of the STATE?

Wondering If She Were Still Alive with thoughts running through my mind constantly lately as Im going through God's test to make sure I stay humble and strong.