Seven Years Sad Luck

The moment that you don't expect to happen and never really prepare for,  happens when you least expect it!

Four days ago,  what I thought would be an easy decision for me,  was one of the hardest decisions for me.  Rock paper scissors didn't even help.

My adoptive father was admitted into the hospital due to heart failure.  I was told he asked for me by my children.  So at that moment I was faced with reality.

This man adopted me, raised me,  treated me as his real daughter until.    ... (if you've been following my blog,  you know the rest).
I've told my self time and time again that it wouldn't matter to me if he was sick in the hospital,  this man said he was glad I wasn't his blood and that was our final conversation.

I've seen him in passing and we acted as strangers,  so why now do I have to make the decision to go see him???

My answers:
1.  Because he is the only father I know

2.  Because until my teenage years,  he acted as a great father to me

3.  Because my heart is genuine

4.  Because I am a God fearing woman

Why should I stay a stranger to him???

My answers:
1.  Because his final words, when we last spoke was "I am glad you are not my blood"

2.  Because he falsified my childhood

3.  Because he never apologized and admitted his faults. 

4.  Because I am stubborn just like him. 

My decision
*** I could not see myself nor live with myself knowing that I didn't at least make an effort as a mature woman with morals and values that my God gave me.

After Seven Years,  I decided to go visit the one man that I had thought I would be okay with his absence in my life.

Did this decision go against my  real feelings and cause me to become weak-hearted??  I don't think so,  I think it proved that I am able to be mature enough to put differences aside in sickness of a loved one regardless of how our love level stands.

I never thought I would see the one person that hurt my heart so bad and caused me sooooo much pain.  But I also never thought I would be faced with having to live with not ever seeing the one person that my heart might hurt and cause so much pain if I didn't at least respect enough to make an effort to see him in his time of sickness.

I guess you can call it my Seven Years Sad Luck Decision