Live with Blood or Live with Water

If I were her, would I have done it differently?

I have recently asked myself a question about giving ME up for adoption as an option. Knowing that my birth mother gave me up for safety reasons before she passed away at a very young age of 17, would I have done the same? My answer is yes and no. I have two answers because I know both outcomes, even though I know one has played out longer then the other in my life.

That makes it hard to be fair in my answer, so yes and no.

                        I will start with the easiest answer which is NO for me:

• I say NO because I grew up living an unknown lie causing me to have major trust issues as an adult.
• I say NO because I never knew what a mother's love really was as far as shoulder support.
• I say NO because I would not want ME to grow up not knowing who my mother was, her personality, looks, voice, and views on life.
• I say NO because I still experienced the sexual abuse that I was suppose to be protected from by an adoptee family member.
• I say NO  because I should be the visible protector of ME from birth to adulthood on what life has to offer.

                       I will end with the obvious answer which is YES for me:

• I say YES because I learned of the sexual abuse that she endured by her stepfather along with her sibling and other small children.
• I say YES because I understand that her way of protecting me from abuse was to give me away to a hopefully loving caring family.
• I say YES because I am still alive and able to go through life's lessons as an adult while she is resting in Paradise since the tender age of 17.
• I say YES because although I was "Adopted Into Deceit", I grew up in a much better environment then I would have if she decided to keep me.

Because I have both Yes and No answers, I am content with her decision to ease her feelings on how to protect her newborn baby girl from her physical environment. If I were her I would have done the same. But if I were ME I would have done the opposite.

My Point:

My point is I can only walk in my shoes, in the life I have been given and experienced, so naturally my answer would be NO. But on the other hand, I can only think as if I was in her shoes based on what I was informed about, so instinctively my answer would be YES.

Options to live with blood or live with water, neither are pure, but both are necessary to live. I started with blood and was given to water and I still am living my life as ME!