Adoptees have their reasons for not telling their adopted child about not being from their bloodline. It is also questionable as to when an adopted child should be told about being adopted.
- Some adoptees may choose not tell their adopted child at all due to feeling guilty about not being able to conceive.
- Some adoptees may choose not to tell the adopted child out of fear of resentment of not being their biological parents.
- Some adoptees may choose not to tell the adopted child because time as gone by and keeps passing the time to avoid the opportunity to reveal the adoption.
Although there appears to be no right time to tell a child about being adopted, it should still be something that is revealed, its owed to them.
In my own adoption experience, I feel that if I never "acted out" as a young teenager, I would have NEVER found out about my adoption from my adoptees.
Because of the age I found out about being adopted, I developed some issues as if I was mentally abused by trust and honesty. I lost the need to be loved by family and began to look elsewhere for what I lost. Just like an abusive relationship (which I also experienced later in life), I have insecurity as well as trust issues when it comes to getting close to anyone.
When you are abused, you begin to doubt your OWN self regarding physical appearance and mental stability. Growing up thinking you are apart of a family who you trust their words and actions and never questioning their love for you only to find out that it has been based on one big lie. Your way of thinking begins to change. You question ethics and values. You make irrational decisions based on resenting the lie now revealed. Your heart is crushed and body begins to ache like no other pain ever felt. All just like being abused by a significant other.
Bouncing back from "Adopted Mental Abuse" (as I call it), is not an option. It is forever with you on your mind and in your heart. Once you find out as a teenager or adult, after being brought up from an infant to teenage to adulthood, that you are not apart of the adoptee"s bloodlines, your turning point in life begins.
If I ever was to adopt a child, I would prepare to tell them at as soon as they reach an age of understanding that they have family that loves them. The word "family" goes a long way in a child's early stage of mental development. I would keep what ever information about my adopted child, as well as their biological family. And just like a book a child begins to read, that would be with the Dr Seuss books as well. It would contain pictures of the adopted child from all the times I visited before adoption or pictures given by the agency, any birth record information, and any information I could get regarding their biological family.
The book would reveal that the adopted child was once with one family of love but blessed to another family of a different love.
I think it is important to begin to instill in an adopted child's mind in their earlier years of life to make it easier to explain fully what they have been reading and looking at for those first years of life once they reach an age to sit down and discuss the book. Most likely the child will begin questions as they develop the knowledge of what they have been taking in for a few years of reading their family book of love.
My logic is based on my own experience and I feel that if I was given that type of visual as a small child, I would not have the "Adopted Mental Abuse" that I have today as an adult.
A Matter of FACT fyi:
No matter the reason for a child to be adopted, they should be given the opportunity and respect by the adoptees of knowing about their adoption.
No comments:
Post a Comment