You are not the Father

When I was a little girl, I looked up to my daddy. As a teenager, I started to feel that what appeared to be daddy's little girl, was actually a fake. Finding out that the man that I had known all my life was not my dad was a Hard Pill to Swallow. So now as an adult, I have found that not only is my adopted father not my daddy, but I have 2 possibles and a maybe (sounds like Im playing SPADES).

Over the last few months, I have discovered that my birth mother was in love, truly in love with an older man when she was a young teenager. Her stepfather did not approve of their relationship, but not for a parenting reason. From what I was told, he was a man of a molesting character (hope there was mercy on his soul). My birth mother's true love left this earth apparently like "Romeo and Juliet" is one story or like "Murder She Wrote" is another story. Either way, their true love lived and died together. My first question when reading the obituary of the man, her true love, that died in the car with her of carbon monoxide poisoning, "was he my father?". His family was hoping this was the case, as well as I. I wanted that to be the case because after speaking to his brother, who was 10 at the time of my possible dad number one's death, he seems like he came from a family oriented background.

I also discovered that the last night that my birth mother was seen alive, she had a fight with her stepfather. He was abusing her both physically and apparently sexual. She had enough of his abuse and as he was fighting her, she kicked him and ran out of the house, later in the week to be found dead in a car with her true love on a dirt back road right down the street from her home. Very questionable indeed, especially since her sister said they was searching for her the whole time.

My next question when processing the information of the abusive stepfather, that later died in a head on collision with another woman other than my birth grandmother whom he was married to at the time, "was he my father?". His stepdaughter, my birth aunt, apparently told one of her daughter's that he is possibly my father because that is the reason why my birth grandmother would not even acknowledge me after I was born. Apparently, she also shutdown on her favorite daughter, my birth mother, during her pregnancy. Also, after I was born, she would not even hold me or address me as her granddaughter.

Lastly, I was informed that a third man, a teenager that was four years older than my birth mother, impregnanted her before she ended up with the man she was found with. He denied being the father during that time. Now I am told that I look like him and his family. I had chinese looking eyes like him and my oldest daughter still carries that trait. He is still alive, has his own business, is in his late 50s, and knows that I have been in contact with someone close to his sister. He has no intentions it appears to meet me and for some reason I feel the same. If you denied it then, allowed her to put me up for adoption, and made no effort throughout your, what I am told, drunken life, then "Ditto Denial"

The truth of it all is this:

1. "Falsehood Father" says he hopes he never sees me again and glad I am not his blood for not continuing to pay his bills that in fact was side money so that they can buy cars and go on trips while I struggled.

2. Possible birth dad number one, her true love, now deceased, I will never know what he was thinking. I do know that he had two small children, possibly three (me), at the time of his domise. So my only reasoning for being mad at him, would be if he pulled a "Romeo and Juliet" and left his two young children behind. That would be a selfish act. But do to the circumstances surrounding their death, it is very questionable indeed.

3. Possible birth dad number two, "Stepdad Chester the Molester". Nothing else needs to be said about him.

4. Possible birth dad number three, "Daddy Denial", is an alcoholic, who does not want to accept his possible responsibility. I guess someone should tell him, no one will go after him for child support, she gave me up for adoption, then passed away. Not to mention I am now a "Grown Independent Woman" with morals, goals, children who I love and they return the love, and God has given me full support growing up and still giving it!

In conclusion, I have realized that no matter who says or doesnt say, is or is not, was or was not, cares or doesnt care, that they are or was my father, I have the final say on how I want it to be at this stage in my life.

I chose "None of the Above"

I do not need to know who my real father is, nor do I care to know anymore.
I was raised by a man who never abused me physically or sexually, but was mentally abusive with all the non family values.
I was denied by a man who lives is life in alcoholism and working at his own business a few hours away from me.
I was possibly left to live without a father by a man who either left this earth willingly, leaving behind his own children, so that he can be with my birth mother in another life or who left unwillingly from the hands of another man who was jealous of his stepdaughters relationship with him.
I was possibly born out of the molestation of a sick man who had no value for woman nor little girls. "Nothing else to say"

I may sound bitter, I am a little bitter, just a little bit, but now that I have written this, I feel accomplished. I feel that I have closed another chapter that was once unanswered and undecided on.

My finally words to all of these men:

To the living, I hope that you when you leave this earth, you are accepted where ever you pray to be; To the deceased, I hope mercy was granted on your souls to where ever you prayed to be before your domise.

In other words, I have given you all to God for my own reasons. I forgive all of you in the way that you need to be forgiven.

End results of the DNA REPORTS from the business of myself are:

Falsehood Father

Romeo and Juliet

Stepdad Chester the Molester

and

Daddy Denial

"YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER".