Feelings at Fifteen

Lying in bed the night that I swallowed the "adoption pill" news was like lying on a piece of newspaper outside in the cold by myself with no where or one to turn to. Before that night, I believed that the two people that raised me were trustworthy, supportive, and my parents. As I lay on my bed with stuffed animals on it, I felt like everything was fake and unwanted by me. I looked at the closet with all the clothes in it and again, unwanted and fake. All the pictures on my mirror, the shoes in my closet, the posters on my wall, were all unwanted and fake to me. No longer did I have a need to feel like they were mine. I felt this way because it was all bought and given to me by the two people that I thought I was a part of genetically, but instead I was bought and given to them. I pictured myself as a baby on a shelf like a doll and having a price tag on me for sale and sold to the highest bidder, put on layaway and auctioned off.
I could here I footsteps and mumbling in the next room, their room, the room I used to love to go into to talk and laugh with my mother and father. Now those footsteps and mumbling, to me, were coming from a room that I know longer wanted to go in to talk and laugh with these strangers. Although I knew them for fifteen years, i guess, I didn't really no them for fifteen years. Instead, I knew their faces, their names, the scent, their voices, and things they loved to do. None of that meant anything anymore because I did not know they were lying to me for fifteen years.
I put myself in a ball-like position, with my Certificate of Adoption paper, in my hand and rocked myself to sleep and not knowing what it really feels like to just have normal teenage feelings at fifteen.